Why doesn't anyone warn you?! I am now 32 weeks pregnant and sadly resemble the following, scaled up to giant proportions:
- Bowling ball
- Watermelon (or other spherical fruit)
- Ball bearing
- Gobstopper
- Pink bonbon
- Jupiter
- My purple birthing ball
Yes...I know...weight gain was to be expected (I am lugging around an extra mini person after all), but this is ridiculous!
I cannot for the life of me get out of bed using my usual, conventional method. I have to adopt my new technique, which involves pushing off sleeping Doctor Josh to create enough momentum to roll (yes, roll) off the bed and onto the carpet and then dragging myself up, with increasing difficulty, using the bedside cabinet. Unfortunately, I suffer with a bladder disease too and so, in addition to increased urinary frequency due to being pregnant, this means that I have to repeat the spectacle at least 7 times every single night to go for a wee!
I did go through a short-lived phase of worrying about waking poor Doctor Josh with the whole pushing extravaganza, however I soon concluded that actually, screw it! I am a wretched pregnant orb of hormones and puffiness and therefore I deserve the luxury of being able to go to the toilet during the night. I also deserve understanding and sympathy - lots of it! Fortunately, the only response he ever displays is a sleepy grunt.
I am also now beginning to get stuck in the bath. I have to adopt a similar technique to the 'get out of bed extravaganza' but this time involving the sides of the bath. It is becoming increasingly gruelling each time and I sense that soon I will have to shout out for help, which will be mortifying. My cousin once got stuck in the bath when she was pregnant. At the time I giggled a little (laughed a lot) and I now feel incredibly guilty. It is a genuine fear not to be mocked! I now refuse point blank to get a bath when Doctor Josh is absent. My cousin had to wait a whole hour for her fiancé to return home from work so he could yank her out. That will NOT happen to me, oh no. I am taking the above preventative measure.
What I don't understand is: why do I have to be so rounded? My shape is a sphere. I am a ball. Am I going to give birth to a watermelon? I sincerely hope not. That would hurt, a lot.
